Taited Soul

 I am trying to be patient I feel like I am suffocating with it It has been months on the job search and now I feel like so exhausted I try to think positively at times But I can't deny how tired I am Going in and out of this circle of uncertainty I do believe Allah has the best plan for me But it is kind of annoying to live with a person who constantly low key trying to push your buttons. Today my daughter kept telling me to be nice with her father, smile to him, play together with her and him. I nearly lost it. I felt so angry but she is just a child. I told her, I have always played together with her.  It was him who kept playing with his phone. He only spend and average on 2 hours with her. How am I the villain in this story? I know he is doing his duty But I feel like he is keeping me in prison He wants me to cook for the house But he wont let me buy the groceries He wants me to pick up our child But he wont let me buy the gas Even if he does, he would give just that amou...

 5 days ago it was his birthday I never said anything My money is dried I only have enough for my own security I found something the next day too Found his hibah with FWD how bold of he to state he is Single I am not sure if he changed the status but wow also he has credit card debt of RM8.8k....previously I saw it from his phone, RM9.6k he only got his card around March I think imagine spending 7 months, nearly 10k spending and I can't imagine where it went all he said was on food for us I know he didn't spend that much right now, all I feel numb I can't sleep my heart and head is full of worry I have been applying jobs like crazy I have had interviews I have done follow ups I don't know what I did wrong I hope someday I will get a job because that is all I need right now I wish I could see something other than out My heart is not in it anymore I want to be fair with myself I want to be free Free from this edging feeling Free from imagining my life without him I just w...