What is a birthday?

 5 days ago it was his birthday

I never said anything

My money is dried

I only have enough for my own security


I found something the next day too

Found his hibah with FWD

how bold of he to state he is Single


I am not sure if he changed the status

but wow


also


he has credit card debt of RM8.8k....previously I saw it from his phone, RM9.6k

he only got his card around March I think

imagine spending 7 months, nearly 10k spending

and I can't imagine where it went

all he said was on food for us

I know he didn't spend that much


right now, all I feel numb

I can't sleep

my heart and head is full of worry

I have been applying jobs like crazy

I have had interviews

I have done follow ups

I don't know what I did wrong

I hope someday I will get a job

because that is all I need right now


I wish I could see something other than out

My heart is not in it anymore

I want to be fair with myself

I want to be free

Free from this edging feeling

Free from imagining my life without him

I just want to be happy with her

I want to give her the life that she deserves


I can't stay like this anymore

I keep on blaming myself over and over

I feel like I did everything wrong but I don't know what anymore


I wish I had a job so I could focus again

Ya Allah

Please get me a job soon

I have no more spare money

I feel like he is controlling my spending

Ya Allah

Please Whatever I did wrong

Please grant me a job

Please

I want to get out so bad

I feel like I am spiraling down again

Please do let me loose her

Please

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