Taited Soul

Just me and my imaginary life Meeting famous superstars and befriending them And thats that Because in reality if i ever meet them or befriend them it will never go any futher serious Why? Because marriage is consuming i guess And a gamble We gamble our life for marriage When people make it like a fairy tale... I do believe in love I do believe in falling in love But i dont think i'll know how to stay in love ........ These few days arent as stressful because the salary just came in He did gave me nafkah but expects me to use my money first whenever i went out with her. Usually i would be okay but this time i argue Now his debit card is with me because he doesnt want to hold on to it Yesterday when i brought the groceries he said"Owh okay we are left with 600+ after buying this and that", but then he told me he brought me a pair of pants and a toy for her.  So i told him regarding the card, its pointless because if he still spends it online doesnt help much on my part. .....

Right now I am tying to commit with journals But its hard since she almost always sleep late and I am already too tired. But I try. Just now I thought of reading the Quran but stopped because I thought I heard her crying but it was really his snoring. I get tired of complaining about hos snoring. I try to tolerate it for years but he never does anything about it.  He tried when after my confession, but it stop later on. Now even when I complained he just move a bit or doesnt. Then he expects me to make breakfast in theorning which is comical. Just before he said he wants to make cucur bilis for breakfast,i told him to blend anchovies earlier so it wont bother her, because she is scared of it. One thing about him is he doesnt care if people are sleeping. Over a year ago I went ballistic because he kept banging the drawers to find his keys and such when she is clearly sleeping.  He doesnt seem to have that empathy. Everytime i bring up he alwaysbhave a good night sleep he will a...

Now its already Friday But Monday I had a session that states I should write a journal for my journey. This way I will be of focus on my current life. Somethings I cant control like his behaviour His unability to keep his promise But I can control how to react amd respond. Coincidently we watched a movie called Thapped, means slap. How in the end a dutiful housewife asked for divorce just after the slap. But what gets me is that how she protrays herself in the movie, which is allogn with me. People expect me to be the perfect wife And he always paints himself as the perfect husband. The thing is that within our marriage journey, I tend to close an eye on things that I disliked atvthat time but ignore to avoid conflict. For instance when I had my delivery, and he insist we go back to his hometown because he doesnt know what to do and all the way he uses the old road. A bumpy road for someone who just had an operation. I knew he refused to go to the highway because he doesnt have enough ...

Today I feel tensed The pressure is getting me everything he asks for money.  Yesterday he wanted to buy pet food but when I stopped for some gas, he went too long into the station. When asked he said he is using his money for my gas when I has already mention to use my money by wave. He said he wanted to have some cash. I feel mad because we waited for a long time and he always walks slowly just to buy things. When he mention he is using his money for my sake then he gets this baby attitude looking hurtful and down.  I hate it! He looks weak and i hate it Because its like i have to be string for the family whenever shit arrives I want a leader not a big baby! He has loooong since read the Quran for her. He stills doesnt control his sleeping position so as not to bother us.  He stills leaves a mess like he doesnt care to wipe or vacuum the floor. He still has to be teminded to play with her. He has to be reminded to wash the dishes, not just his own but other dishes that ...

Covid cases are up and still i am stuck Feeling a bit down because not having sales yet but have done a bit macrame I wish i had a laptop Maybe i am not meant to succeed Maybe this is the sign the path is wrong But i am so fed up with him The carelessness is driving me crazy The house is a mess My daughter is a mess He still cant manage money well And now i am using my money to survive I hate this I have to even use my own money for the phone bill He brought a power drill without considering everything else I have to be strong  But faith is getting hard