Taited Soul

His grandpa passed away the other day so i got the house for myself for 2 nights It was a bless for me I get to be myself I get to clean Overall I am being okay Truthfully I am planning something for the future On how what when But honestly he isnt in it Why Maybe i juat dont feel like this relationship is changing Or maybe what i felt isnt going to change about him I just hope i could have a nice job to support me and her So i wont be dependant on him I just got to find his salary is 4.1k Can you imagine living in the same house but not knowing Trust but getting used up till i am dry And funny thing ia he tends to 'forget' that he burrowed from me Like the other day This month he paid for last month burrowed money Other previous months i am still not sure I cleaned up the house today because i was so sick and tires of watching the house get dirtier  Waiting for him to do it as he promised is like a waste of my time Also its not healthy for her I didnt clean up his toilet His p...

I decided not to talk about it with him Because I think I can handle it And I did But that doesnt make me escape to feel annoyed about it Like a few days ago he told me he has no money anymore, again. No money to buy groceries and diapers. I had to use my money to buy diapers. Even so, he told me of his plan And of how much he will give me afterwards. I am not sure how to trust him on it But lets just see. I went back and look at MSH And I am glad I acknowledge what is it that made me feel the way I feel It is not the person It is the attitude How one carries his life Improvement Now him, even so now, complaining about work, again. I dont know what to say anymore. He has improve on playing with her But has to work on obedience He doesnt want to be stern But he has too Yesterday I went for my 2nd dose of vaccination. I went by my old place I nearly cried, especially it was raining How I lived all alone How we both dated nearby How it doesnt feel that way anymore Those good feelings come...

I dont know Suddenly Before this i was so sure to make time and talk about our feelings Our progress But somehow aftera few talks I have my doubts I never would know what he thinks He never even told me his money came in And i never really knew his pay slip too Some people say they never meddle with their husbands money Well its all good it everything is well taken off For me, my fear always starts in the middle or end of the month Thats when he will start saying or indicating he has not much money A friend told me to try and learn to live with jis flaws Maybe i can forgive him for his mistakes Maybe i can learn to live with his flaws But can i stay forever When he remains the same while i am dragged down to his level of progress I want progress Life progress at least I fear i will lose myself like before Or feeling so alone in a room of someone i love most He still cant stop watching his phone I will try I want to just have a clear view of what i should do Ya Allah I seek your guidanc...

A few days  ago my counselor suggested to break it down a bit with him I was nervous at first but then i had a talk with a friend and she gave me a good insight which is to wait and try to be patient Because it make sense I would never know his reaction And if he doesnt like what i say I could be at his mercy I have to wait until i have my own income But still waiting for the laptop too I scolded him today Because since yesterday he has been with his phone or watch this indian series. Whenever i asked him to focus on her, he gets mad that he is....but how is it focusing when he is still holdong his phone throughout the play? Yesterday he went to kedah but all the while i was so glad because i have my freedom. Likr i can be myself without worrying what he might say or think.  I get tired of making breakfast too. Like its no ending in the kitchen. But he always have to ask me and always buy the same thing even when i say i dont like the taste. Sometimes he doesnt want to eat lun...

Yesterday i had a kaunseling session. And what was required was telling him aboit my current feelings after i notice the change in him. I do want to have that talk  but i am scared. I am scared of the unknown thing that might happen. His dramatic gestures. His defensiveness. All those things that i never want to fight about bit have too to maintain my sanity.  I do feel like maybe i am the one overreacting sometimes, but people say to talk about it, and i did, but nothing changes. I do appreciate the little things he's done Doing the laundry Taking out the trash Buying me random things Washing the dishes sometimes But arent those thing required by men as done by our Rasul? I am also scared that if he did want to let me go I have no income to survive I am not sure my family will support me also. True he is a nice person But just maybe i am not grateful enough I dont know how this happen or why But i am so sad about it because ot happened to me.

I meant to write yesterday but she had nightmares and cried for me As usual he wouldnt get up and in the i am the one coddling her to sleep I had a suspicion today Because he took his wallet for walks with her Like why? He told me he wanted to buy something at the vending machine. Then just now, as I was looking for his wallet, i couldnt?! I looked at the room above  I tried looking around downstairs So now i assuming he slept with it because he didnt shower I am a bit suspicious of his spendings Because he told me there are only rm600 left in his bank Minus this and that He even gave his card to me Which is pointless because he would use online banking to purchase things now I tried giving it back to him but he refused As usual he 'forgot' that he promised to pay back my nafkah. I am not. I demanded it back. He also brought groceries with cash a fews now. So how come he doesnt have money right My issue is, the amount dont match And at the end of the month, he will ask from me....