Being Patient

 I am trying to be patient

I feel like I am suffocating with it

It has been months on the job search and now I feel like so exhausted

I try to think positively at times

But I can't deny how tired I am

Going in and out of this circle of uncertainty

I do believe Allah has the best plan for me

But it is kind of annoying to live with a person who constantly low key trying to push your buttons.


Today my daughter kept telling me to be nice with her father, smile to him, play together with her and him.

I nearly lost it.

I felt so angry but she is just a child.

I told her, I have always played together with her. 

It was him who kept playing with his phone.

He only spend and average on 2 hours with her.

How am I the villain in this story?


I know he is doing his duty

But

I feel like he is keeping me in prison

He wants me to cook for the house

But he wont let me buy the groceries

He wants me to pick up our child

But he wont let me buy the gas

Even if he does, he would give just that amount of money to pay for gas and tol

He did settle all the house chores

Only because I refuse to do any now

He has more than enough money

But he gatekeeps his salary from me

Its always not enough with me


I really hope, when the time comes

I have enough courage and support

Ya Allah...I just need you to help me

I don't want to depend on anybody else

Ya Allah. Please ease my soul

for I am sick of being worried


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