Heart to heart

 We talked heart to heart

Because i noticed him mumbling for praying

He told me he felt sad

But is trying

Now that he tries to come to termsppp

......

I reminded him

That i have always tried to tell him

How it was serious

And he admit its his fault for not paying attention

Now he knows his boundaries

How some things he wanted to know

Now i dont let him

I reminded him again

I never meant for him to feel so much sadness

But still i cant keep on blaming myself for this

He understood

.......

He wasnt feeling rather well after

Its like he always do when i asked him to see a doctor

But after some scolding he did

Doctor said everything is normal but may due to stress

And i know i am the reason

....

The thing is

I didnt feel upset about it

Just felt responsible

And i apologized to him

And maybe in my heart i might have to forgive him too

I dont know

I feel nothing

Annoyed maybe

But not sad

Nor angry

Or upset

I do feel sad i am making him sad

But its sadder when i had cried alone all this time

And he never really make it up to it

......

Sometimes i have to remind myself too

Because

Everytime i think everything will be ok

All those things will come back again

And i am alone in that sense

I know that when this goes downhill

Not many will understand

But i do

For her

.........

She hugged me a lot today

As if saying to me u need a hug today

And that i do

Before i start to melt down again

......

His snoring is getting worst

And i dont know what to do

Usually i get mad

Now i am just annoyed

Because i know if i cared a little

He would exponentially treat it as something else

.....

I have told him again

I dont want to say what i mean

I dont want to give hope

I just want to be me

And that i am...

This Movement Constriction Order is a pain for people like me

I cant get out to breath

I know he's been watching who i text with

Who i talked to

But i have to be mindful

Peoples hearts can change

It happened to me

All i have to do

Is think about her

InsyAllah Allah knows best

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