Suspicion

I meant to write yesterday but she had nightmares and cried for me

As usual he wouldnt get up and in the i am the one coddling her to sleep

I had a suspicion today

Because he took his wallet for walks with her

Like why? He told me he wanted to buy something at the vending machine.

Then just now, as I was looking for his wallet, i couldnt?!

I looked at the room above 

I tried looking around downstairs

So now i assuming he slept with it because he didnt shower

I am a bit suspicious of his spendings

Because he told me there are only rm600 left in his bank

Minus this and that

He even gave his card to me

Which is pointless because he would use online banking to purchase things now

I tried giving it back to him but he refused

As usual he 'forgot' that he promised to pay back my nafkah. I am not. I demanded it back.

He also brought groceries with cash a fews now.

So how come he doesnt have money right

My issue is, the amount dont match

And at the end of the month, he will ask from me.

All over again.

But lets just see how it goes now.

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He offended me when i was having dinner

As usual she was playing by herselfnin her play room. 

Then she kept calling him.

Turns out her diaper drips, but he said

" Owh pampers bocor eh, patutla xnak ckp kt mama takut mama marah"

I went balistic

Why would he imply that? I argued and his reason was that was how he felt when i implied him prefering to watch olimpics than playing withbher when she already specificly asked for him.

Its not the same thing?

Just this evening I was the one who clean up the mess because her diaper drips too.

And i clean EVERYTHING. He just clean her up and ask me to clean up the mess in the room!

I was eating dinner!!!

He even didnt wash the other dishes...just his..

When i have already argued that he shouldnjust wash whatever there is in the sink and not just pile it up and wait for later!

His argument is always the same, he will do it before going to sleep. Mind you, he almost always just go to sleep when the light is off. Just like tonight, he would rather not bath and go to sleep.

I dont even know if he pray isyak anymore and not interested to know. I dont feel.guilty not waking him up either because he is not a child and i have spent the previous years trying to wake him up to pray for years. And that is why i tend to sleep late. Because i waited for him. 

.......

All i can do now is be the best version of myself nad not pushing too much to be super woman. Like now i prefer oversleeping than waking up and making breakfast, because everuthing for breakfast is already available and just need reheating but nope he would rather buy breakfast.

She has been clingy as of late but i dont mind.

I may need to work on my selling skills but only Allah is the giver of rezeki.

In my mind i have my happy place.

I also have a future plan, going overseas for phD.

I may need to research more on this though.

InsyAllah...