Endure

Its been a good time passing by

But i do get annoyed with his ignorance

And i do feel a bit sad when i think how she wants to play with him

So far i feel helpness in diciplining her because he never cooperates.

She lets her have her way and when she doesnt listen to him he scolds her insteads of guiding her.

It like he wants an easy way out of everything.

I try to endure by making new goals and hobbies.

I try and try again.

One step at a time.

I notice he sometimes wanted to touch me but i always brush it off. Why? Because i dont feel like it anymore. Its like he want to be in my personal space without even talking to me about it, about us. Like nothing happened. 

But it did.

And it was real for me.

I dont feel attracted to him anymore, not like i used to.

I used like his smell, his toes and feet. I thought it was cute. But it doesnt anymore. I tried. I look at it everynight. But still it doesnt.

I always feel glad whenevr we goes out to work. I feel free. Like i could be myself. Cleaning or just lying around. 

I also come to realize i dont really care much about his family anymore. I got tired of trying to fit in. How sometimes i feel like they are just faking it to me. 

I hope whatever  future i build for her its better.

So far he has been spending money like no tomorrow. Lets just see what happens at the end. 

He keeps on expecting me to cook.

Well no i will only cook when i can.

I am done feeling too tired.

I hope i can start and not feeling insecure. 

May Allah bless.