Seeing a ray of light

 Since a month ago I cleaned up the house

And now it is a mess again

Her clothes are all not in order and he dares to ask me to take out all the old ones when I had already told him that I have arrange on the side. He didnt argue with me on this because he knows this and had the audacity to demand it from me. I will do it later once she has had enough clothes.

So far things have been normal

Yet i still feel the same

He tries i know

He did almost always says love you at the end of a text but i dont feel like saying it

He did once told me upfront but i still dont have the heart to say it

I dont want to say it if i dont mean it

Ive told him this

Right now i am in the toilet

He is outside with her, just coming back from his outstation.

I feel free when he isnt home

Like i could be myself and go anywhere with her freely

It made it easier she doeant miss him so much

I did reminisce our memories before

But the thing is, those happened before marriage and only a year

While we have been married for nearly 5

Yes he did so much and so have i

But now my heart is not in it

People would have said so much on my case

I dont blame them

But i know i cant live a lie like that

I have dropped my obsession with TWH, because paparazzi took his pic and GF, jealous but i know he is too far fetched for me, boohoo

I look myself in the mirror and i dont like myself

I look hedious

I dont look like me

I want to be pretty but i dont want to be pretty for him

I did notice this teammate of him texting him till night

I couldnt bother checking because he sometimes delete texts and he has done it before even when we promised not too

No i am not jealous but just annoyed because he kept holding this persona of a nice guy to everyone but takes advantage and taking me for granted

Owh well

I hope by buying a new laptop will ease my chances on finding a good job

I do hope that job can be done at home while i can take care of her

I do also hope it will help me with my career development

May Allah ease

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