Trying to hold on

 Since the last post have been busy going through a few interviews

I pray and pray hoping I land a job soon

Because I can't take it anymore

I've been crying myself to sleep

Imagining my life not within marriage life

Going places with my daughter

Having fun

Not caring what people would say about me

Praying that we have a peaceful divorce


I didn't tell him anything about the interviews

Because he usually would try to pry

and he would always kill the vibe by asking an update


I am here nervous already and there he is keep budging


He is trying to be nice

Yesterday he gave me RM50 for expenses

I wanted to laugh

Because that is still my value to him

After all the promises he made to me


As I wife I want him to change

But as a person, I don't want him too because I feel like it would be easier excuse for me to get out


Was I not grateful enough?

Was I not helping enough?


in the end I would keep on blaming myself for things I can't control

my  heart is bursting now

I so want out of this situation


But here I am


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