Sugar Daddy and such

Be careful what you wish for they said,
So here I am, figuring it out if its a blessing or ujian...

For a few months ago I have been saying to my friends that the one thing that might help me out in this tight situation is having a Sugar Daddy, we laughed about it because it feels absurd that I would even consider.

But Allah is Great and Always Listening,

A few days ago I came in contact with a certain someone, we knew way way back when I was young and our conversations are always decent, never flirty.

So I met him again at a ceremony, barely missing him when I climbed the stairs but just enough to recognize him. He had small talk before we part ways and I came back to talk to him at his seat at the end of the ceremony. He talk about it private life, as was I. He said do not suffer alone or can give him a call and I thanked him genuinely because I am not going to sugarcoat it, life is hard and I am tired but I prefer this than before.

Then he texted me, we had small talk again until he said that me and him are a couple. I was really dumbstruck and caught off-guard because never in my life I believe he see's me in that way. I politely decline stating I'm not into relationships yet and need to work on myself and my boundaries. 

I wasn't sure if he is really pursuing but it felt like he wanted to give me space on the weekend. 
But still, no text at the moment so I guest he is just fishing.

Not really mad about it though.

Maybe because I too remember I had a crush on him 10 years ago.
But seeing how things is with me at that time, I just kept it for myself.

I does feel good when someone is directly pursuing you.

But I still have to be fair to myself.

Even if he does mention that I didn't need to work and just take care of my daughter if we are a couple, I said I have been a housewife before and I suffered. 

So that's that.

I am pround of myself for not letting it get into me.

I know deep down he wouldn't really hurt me.

But still, a near 30 years age gap does feel to far.

But I don't know why I am so cool with it and not disgusted.

If the topic ever comes up again, I would like to know deeper, like he can have anyone else but why me?

A single mother, broke and broken.

But since there is no text today, I guess its just for pleasure.

A bit sad but Ok.

Funny what you say will make a big difference

And funny for me for wishing for something stupid.